My life would suck without you - KELLY CLARKSON

Actually i was about to go to sleep at 11 (haha so early) but after a while i just cant close my eyes, in general i cant sleep. Then i tried to get me a reason why i couldn't sleep, i took 15 mins. It wasn't because my roommate was doing sth, it wasn't because of any noisy and irritating sound. It was because tomorrow is Thursday, late school and my mind is normally programmed to shut down at 2 am, not 11 pm.
So i decided to get up and write something.
My life sucks seriously but it s good in the sense that i know why it sucks. It just sucks because it is the life i had before. You know what i mean, "it sucks because it sucker than what it is used to be"! Glad that it is coming back, or at least i feel i am resuscitating.
Evidence: i screwed all the tests simply because they are "tests" (lame excuse!!!), today i didn't sleep during econs (1st touch of the year), i finished maths "Conics tutorial" (newest topic, though previous ones havent been done), no more i guess.
Regret: didnt switch my phone to silent mode during econ lec, lucky no one called or messaged.

"As we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our soul"

The remedy - Jason Mraz

Here is what some people told me lately: "you have changed a lot and you behave very differently from who you were". My first reaction is to roll my eyes. I don't feel very different at all, it s just that i have so many things to put my mind on at the moment. But why must i take it all? Wont there be taking time later on? Can i just take it gradually one by one instead of take it all so i can enjoy the happiness of life, instead of spoiling it by going emo or sth?

On Sat, i started wondering if i and my life have changed, because if it was not, people would not notice. So i put it in a test on Sunday. Things went as normal as it should be in the morning and in the afternoon. Brushing teeth, combing hair, eating chocs, drinking water, mugging, sleeping, playing...

However, in the evening (about 7, when it was dark alr) when i was wondering in the area of "the rich" in BT. I saw this Ang Moh family with their Lamborghini stopped right in front of me. The couples got out of it a while after, following by their three cute kids. They are really innocent and naughty. It s Lamborghini and they kicked its tyres for fun and perhaps their parents love them so much, they didnt scold them but just some gentle complaint. They sang and hold each other's hand. Out of nowhere, i wish in future i will have for my own the children as lovely as them. I smiled. They saw me standing by the side looking at them, so one of them was tempted to run to me but before he could do that, his father hold him back shouting at him "stay away from that yellow please!!!" and that guy gave me a disdainful look which says "go away yellow bastard". So i walked away just as he wishes. But a thought came up " am i worth less than that Lamborghini?". My atitudes towards civilised Eurasians have changed.
Perhaps this wasnt so significant and most likely one test wont bring accurate result. But i will stop testing myself because somehow i think these changes are not radical and the effect is nt clear that i can see it (not because i am unobservant) :)

"It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m glad it happened sooner rather than later."