What goes around comes around - Justin Timberlake

I think i ought to record this down because yesterday was the day that i almost died because of everything.
I woke up a bit early in the morning and was very happy because training is at 9 and the moment is just 7. I had a good breakfast but after that i realized i was experienced a light sore-throat. No big deal, i drank some hot milk and take for granted that it will be cured by itself. I went for training and again was very happy because i can again see the same familiar faces of my friends. Everyone still looks the same though. Training was fun because of dancing by itself, celebrating Charm's birthday ... , except for the fact that my flexibility disappears after one month of no practice. Damn it, but that was not the only fun part. My sore-throat got worse and i could hardly utter a word but stubbornly, i still thought that was no big deal.
But again damn, no, i went off for PW and really felt the sore in my throat. So i took a nap on the bus and ended up alighting one stop before (cos i am not sure which stop to take). Being conscious about 45c, i decided to walk and on the way plugged in my earphone. So i walked on this small road where two sides are parked by car and the middle of the road is just enough for one car to pass through. So smart, i walked in the middle of the road. The smarter thing is that i did not realized there was a car behind me. When i looked back, i think the drive was sounding the horn but sorry, i could not hear it with my earphone plugged in. It seems like he did it for quite a while cos i saw his pissed face when he passed me. But nevermind, i managed to get to my friend's house.
I worked through the OP and written report for the whole afternoon and felt damn bored because of the work itself and because i was tortured by the sore throat getting worse. Luckily, there were good moment when Tracy's mom bought us pizza and when Kaushik who happens to be a vegetarian cannot eat his part so i took it.
After that, i went home. This moment i felt damn tired and empty-minded. I was not of any conscious about my actions. Have i mentioned that after i edited the written report, i did not save it? 0_0 The only think i can think of at that moment is to take 156, alight, and straight back to hostel. "buying noodles" plan is canceled, i did not want to stop anywhere. But everything did not end there.
The moment i crossed the road, i did not pay attention to cars and as a result, i was almost hit by a car. I still remembered the driver said:"Fuck, watch where you are going". Ok, damn that was my fault.
Getting home was a miracle. Facebook for a while, at the same time eating something. Then i went to sleep damn early (like 11 or so) but woke up at 3 because of reasons i dont know. I managed to sleep again at 4 and got up at 8 and continued with my life. The sore-throat has gotten better!

Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's

So it has been near a month that i have not updated my blog. I have been too busy with Promos and tried to spend as less time on line as possible. So let's see what i got to say. Uhm uhm nothing actually.
Life in preparation for Promos is just way boring. So let's not talk about it. Nevertheless, to summary, here we go. There was not any dance sessions so all I felt was more fat growing in m tummy! Damn, got to train harder when training restart. Everyday will start with waking up and going to school (someday i could not wake up so the day will start with "could not wake up so pon school"), after that there were lessons followed by lessons, and not including walking home and dinner, i enjoyed myself self-studying (don't lie la u :) There were certain brighten-up moment when i accepted to feel guilty and went over (or call him (TK) over) to watch movie. I went to sleep pretty early (12h30 on average) and obidiently.
So life after Promos has just started for like 3 days. I rewarded myself a day-off which completely filled with sleeping, movies and going out. And yeah, after Physics paper, we celebrated 3 years we have been in Singapore. It was a good dinner and the chicken was like damn nice. I wondered why other guys did not want it as badly as me (cos i ate alot, sorry :()
Thanks to Lunar for taking us to the ULU, yet AWESOME restaurant ( i am sure the uncle is the happiest guy that day hahaha)
Wait, actually it was not 1 day-off. I actually rewarded myself one-week off (starting from this moment)
But watching a lot of movies is getting pretty boring as well. But i dun know what else to do, currently i am in love with a lot of song:
- Hey there Delilah
- Obviously
- No surprise
- What about now
- What goes around comes around (or the other way round)
.... who want to play and sing? :)

Cheyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, now got PW workshop. SADDDDDDD :(

Holiday - Green Day

I guess i took a day-off today though yesterday i thought that today would be the official day i need to start studying. This morning i came to Maths with a headache and muscle ache and the lesson did not turn out as i expected. I wanted to attend cos they said they were gonna teach "Transformation of Graphs" but eventually the teacher did not go through it. Wasted almost 2 hours there.
Currently i am in no mood to joke around anymore, even with those who are really close to me. I do not know the reason. I just do not feel like doing it. Watching movies seems to help but in fact, i was cheered up for a moment then i felt down again. If there s a chance, "ice age 3" and "the hangover" is highly recommended. (Disclaimer: The hangover is over 18)

Currently i heard a lot about couples thingy and how all of them eventually broke up. Then i heard people discussing their opinions about this. Different but yet very interesting point of view. I shall restate some of the points here. Basically it s inevitable for you to come to a certain age and then, have a feeling for someone. Then, some says it s better you tell her la if not, she may like someone else. Some know breaking up happen after you feel that continuing this is burdening your life and you cant lie to yourself anymore.
I don't know la but after a while, i really feel like a little buzzing in my ears. To me, currently i understand that i am still too young and not mature enough to handle a proper relationship. I sometimes have feelings for this one, feelings for others, then no more and i said to myself luckily i did not disclose it to her. I cant be forced to like anyone or force myself to like anyone. At the moment, some good friends would be much better wouldn't it? Why do you want to get yourself in something you were not ready for?
It s promotional exam that you need to crank up. Oh and thanks to all my friends who lend me their GP essays. U all are really best friends. Thx a lot!

Feels like tonight - Chris Daughtry

Lol today is supposed to be the first day of the holiday but somehow this holiday is gonna be really short and i expect there wont be any movies watching until your eyes drop on the table without you knowing it, downloading until your com crash in an effort to load as many pages as possible, sleeping late until the moment you say good morning, but actually good afternoon should be used instead.
Why ah? Simple la, same reasons, what others can i offer you? I just want to talk about this cos i am feeling something different, or truthfully a mixed feeling.
- Promotional Examination or in Short, Promo -.- (everything is tested, wt*)
- Project Work or in Short, PW, in particular, pilot test -.- -.- (who gonna fly, dont ask la)
- Other stuffs (blah blah blah)
They are actually very fun activities i must say. For example, while studying for promo, you will sometimes smile by yourself while focusing intensively on the notes. From others' point of view, you look like you are enjoying that piece of paper but propbably you are going insane. PW is quite an exciting event cos you are gonna go buy gardening tools, seeds and SHIT and gonna touch them somemore. My group mate made a call today to ask for how much compost can be provided to us, and the reply is 7 to 8 TONNES. Wahlau eh, i did not know fertilisers are so cheap!
The "not funny" about all these are their high potentiality of being screwed up. What if i indeed failed to study for Promo? What if the pilot test ended up with the death of the pilot?
Uhm, perhaps it s God will but i know even the highest god wont decide the fate of man by his own will, he will listen to what we want first.
I believe i can do it so i can do it (cant remember who said this) so let's go and study like now :)

Believe in Miracle, Man!

I dont wanna miss a thing

Sometimes you just feel guilty because you are not studying while you are supposed to study. No, putting it in a right way, it is because your friends are studying and you are not. Who cares? Actually i do care a lot about how i study but for god sake, it is a beautiful Saturday evening when i just came back from a day of training and PW and you know there are still 3 day-offs from school.
The past week has not been so bad or shall i say this week God has been kind to me? There were moments of happiness and laughter. I did not have anything to worry about or rather i did not bother to worry about anything.

:)) Mind-blocking now, i don't know what to write
BB

HaLO - Beyonce

Just want to write a few lines before going to sleep. Though today is a Friday night, still i need to go to sleep early because of trainings tomorrow and half of the dance is not done yet and i will need the power of concentration. Moreover, i will need to meet up and do PW in the afternoon. Maybe tomorrow i will stay up late.
On a totally unrelated note, i think emotion can not be expressed in words. You can talk to your friends, talk to someone you trust and even talk to yourself so that to release yourself from all emotions. They can either be happy or be unhappy. Oh, and to being really random, i shall quote this "work begins when you don't like what you are doing". It is partially true because at the moment i don't feel like studying now, but in fact i have tonnes of tutorials and readings waiting for me. No worry, i shall start working really really soon. Promo is coming and i want me to work harder (though whether i will actually work harder is another story to tell :)
My mother's brother is getting married next month (as in in two weeks time la) and i am really glad that he is getting married because sometimes i feel like i am gonna get married before him. My grandpa and grandma is expectantly waiting for some more children and so am I. There is a joke in my house that "You give birth to as many children as you can, if you cant raise them, i will (My Grandma)". Haha i think if it was her of 40 years ago, she can. My grandma loves her grand kids pretty much. LOL i am missing home.
Ok sleeping now!
ZzzzZ

Thank you - Dido

Normally i don't blog on weekdays but today is an exception because today is really not a good day but yet there are lessons to be learned. I certainly don't mean all those econs, GP stuffs because they are lessons that i am forced to learn. To be honest, i am sick of studying econs so i blog. The lessons i am implying here are those i acquired from my behaviors and my feelings.
First, today i apologized to a friend and it was great that he understands the motive of my actions. I am happy i have such a friend. And from this i learned one lesson: "Sometimes when a person makes a mistake, your correction is just making him feel that you are sorry for him and he will be even more upset. Understanding why he made the mistake must come before your attempt to correct it. Even better, if you understand why and encourage him to correct it himself". Personally i think true friendship lies in understanding :)
Currently i am feeling that i have not spoken what i need and have to speak to someone. In fact, i could not figure out who that was and i could not know how. Reality is just a blur eventually. Sometimes i can feel it comes very near but sometimes i can't feel it just a bit. I don't know what is wrong with me. I wish only i could have some heat, though just very little to spark whatever fire that need to be lighted. Nevertheless, it s still dark and i cant seem to find my way. I don't know ... I will watch out for it and hope that by any chance, i can find my answer!
For now, stay happy, healthy and ...
Go to sleep dude!
:)

Good Riddance (aka Time of your life) - Green Day

Today is the first Friday of August. Why am i mentioning this? It is because the first Friday of every month seems so special to me. I was born at 12:00 on Friday but it s actually counted as a Saturday :)
Monday was ominous. Every morning, before going to school, i play my guitar like for 5 minutes. Not exactly playing though, it s just an amateur plucking the string and finding the sound so interesting. Perhaps he plucked too hard that the string broke. Nevertheless, nothing really bad actually happened. Thank God!
The whole week has passed in excitement and surprise though i felt kinda tired and stressful. Hosting the Germans is perhaps the most prominent happening to me. They are very nice people and innocent. Yes, innocent because most of them are just 15 years old. I had a hard time communicating because they could not speak much English. Nevertheless, from this experience, i learned the power of sign language. I also managed to learn quite a bit of Germans from them like how to say "what s your name? where are you from? can u speak English? ...". Next time if i had a chance to go to Germany, i would not have been totally lost hahaha. Oh, before i forget to mention, they are really skillful footballer. Sadly, they are better than me :( but i will try harder (not to worry, i still have the whole life ahead). It is true that Germany is named the "panzer".
The emphasis of all this buddies busines is the trip to Sentosa. As a hosting buddy, i took them to Sentosa. Then, they decided they want to go on their own all over the island so i let them be. Nevertheless, i was afraid they would get lost so i followed them secretly (yes, i am such a stalker :( ). Funny, i myself got lost somewhere along the way and it was more than 2 hours before 5h30. I said to myself "Anyway i am lost, perhaps i should take this chance to explore Sentosa". So i went into Imbiah Trail. I followed the trail and arrived at a waterfall. I saw rock bed and i swear to God i dont know why i slept there for more than 1 hour. It was really windy and somemore, the birds were singing. By the time i woke up, it was 45 min till 5h30. I found my way out of the trial and i took a bus. The bus driver was really nice to show me how to get to my "meeting" point at Cable Car Station. I reached 5 mins early. Hahaha that was a nice day, isnt it?
Senior farewell is drawing near and i am to sing a song, maybe a few la. Feeling very sian, cos my singing is terrible but i will try my best. I will change the lyrics and make it meaningful so as the seniors will be touched by the lyrics, not disgusted by the melody (which will be terribly presented by me :() Looking forwards to all the fun and of course, all the touching moments, and obviously all the crying, but in the end, the only one thing we will remember is that our hearts always beat the same rythm of all loves we have shared.
For the last week, quite a number of my friends were sick and fortunately, none of them gets H1N1. The best i could do is to wish them well, pass them food (haha Travis), and chat to get them out of boredome of the quarantine area. "you got to stay healthy and dont feel sick", right after i told myself this, i suffered from a sore-throat. It still hurts now. Actually, it was yesterday that i told myself this.
I am wondering what to write now. Oh, hell how can i forget the National Day stuff? The performances at school was really awesome and i really feel thankful to all those who put in their effort to make such a good show. And there is a moment which i vaguely, no vividly remembered that i felt so strange, yet so happy. I think that was someone's eyes.
Suddenly, i remember a joke i had with Phong during June holiday. It goes like this:
"Phong put his key on the table. I looked at it and felt something strange about it. So i asked him "what key is this?" He answered me "It s a key". Hmm, hmm i seems to accept his answer but u see obviously he didnt answer my question and bingo, i realised something and i questioned him back "It s not a key, isnt it?". He asserted "It is". I told him "It s a monkey [mon-key]. Got it? hahaha, cos there is a monkey face printed on his key. Ok it s no joke, i am sorry. I am just being lame."

~ Time grab you by your wrist directs you where to go (from Green Day) ~

Good bye to Romance - Ozzy Osburne

Today is Friday night, isn't it? And i don't feel like studying now and also, who study at 12:00 am on Friday night? Reflecting a bit on what has happened so far should do some good because i have been twirling around for the past two weeks.
First, Common Test results are out. Disappointingly, it didn't turn out to be as good as i expected. I could have done worse for some and could have done better for some. I felt it unfair because the subject i put in the most effort,i.e. GP, i got the worse result, an E. Damn! The rest was just fine. Still there will be three more exams and A level, i swear i will do better for GP. Yes, but the question is 'how'. I know my mom is unhappy about this because she always worries that i wont be able to go uni with an E for GP though she still tried to encourage me on the phone. I tried my best, perhaps not did my best :)
I still have not gotten used to the fact that i am no longer a SL. In the evening before last Tuesday, i still sit down and planned training and suddenly realized that i am not in the position to do it anymore. I laughed at myself at the desk. Tonight when i was making some tea, i asked myself a question "what is for training tomorrow?", the one i have never been asking myself for nearly a year. I am smiling to myself writing these down. Nevertheless, i know it will soon be over.
Currently, i have not been well. I was suffering a light flu, then an ankle injury which almost immobilise me. Sometimes i felt like half of my brain was gone. I couldnt feel anything but headache, somemore my nose bleeds thrice. I dont know what is happening. Fortunately, i just got some very nice music to relieve all those problems. I decide to take a good rest this weekend with music, sport and outgoings. There wont be any notes, tutorials, works that entangle my eye and my mind. Can you believe that i have finished all tutorials for all of the subjects up to the lecture's pace? Technically i got no more homework, yay!
Other than what i have learnt because i am forced to learn, i have learnt something else from my own experience. Do you think love is a function of distance and frequency and frienship is that of money and benefit exploited? Yes it sounds very sad because it is contrary to our expectation of a blue love and pure friendship. When a person says there is no point continuing this, you know it is really pointless. I have been trying to explain what happened but they were not listened and understood. My friendship has just gone through a test and it failed miserably but still there is hope if all those answer are just nonsensical and unthoughtful. If you read this, i want you to know that i have set up all those and from what i have seen, you are just using me though i am trying my best to give you what you want and resolve potential conflicts for you. All the damn you can give me back is how you can get me pay for everything and if i cant, i am out of the game. Is it true what you are thinking?
Let me end this with a joke i just invented during today chem lecture:
A student who just walks into the LT from the toilet, though he was walking quietly and tried not to disturb the lecture. The lecturer who is lecturing still turns to him and asks sarcastically "Are you coming back from toilet? What took you so long?" The LT bursts in laughter. The student waits there for the laughter to cease and he replied: "yes i was in the toilet because WHO GAVE A SHIT IN THIS LECTURE!, except for you". The lecturer sinks in embarrassment.
Moral of the story: dont anyhow mess with anyone!

~You can find any excuse to be happy in life. Stay cheerful but calm~

Mad World

Currently i have found some interesting links between the werewolves' folktales and the wolves of Mongolia so i wanted to write them down but then i realized that will be of no use other than for my interest. Alternatively speaking, i will only write it for myself to read so isn't it better to just keep it in my mind. It would be more coherent that way (haha my English sucks btw). That s when i decided to blog (more than 3 weeks already perhaps). Ok, so let's repeat our most familiar topics: life, love, friend, study ...
Life has never been so easy. Just to survive is already so impossible but the truth is i survive so perhaps life is not hard at all. Enough food, actually more than enough but food sucks and hell, yes but to survive, you must eat. I have never slept enough these two weeks. Perhaps because life is hard so you cant sleep more. Usually i wake up in the middle of the night because of ???, because of what ah, what the else woke me up? I dont know.
(Holy shit, what crap am i writing? Ok shall not write anymore)
UPDATE SUCCESSFULLY!!!

Cold as You - Taylor Swift

I know blogging at this time is really a stupid thing because it has already passed 2 in the morning and i am supposed to be asleep. But i am downloading movies and i have to wait for it to finish. Not that i really like to download stuffs online, i know it is illegal. I swear to God that i have limited myself these days so much that i did not download anything from anywhere, except for emails and KM. No MP3, no movies, no e books, no software ....The most i do is to copy from my friends. But you know sometimes rules can be broken. I have watched "Angel and Demon" trailer and i know it is very nice (omg, cant stand it) but the whole holiday i just could not set aside anytime to go to the cinema. That s why i need to download it. But again i shall not watch it right after the moment i finish downloading because i want to sleep (no i need to sleep :)
Today probably will be the last day i stay up late because next week is the Common Test and i certainly do not want to look at the paper with "upside down, rolling and jumping" words as well as symbols that do not resemble numbers. Hell first CTs, aiming to pass everything including GP. Arhhhh i love GP the most because i don't know much about it in order to hate it. I wish i could know more about it then but HOW HOW HOW?
Mom knows i am going to have exams so she called yesterday. I am so touched that she wishes me luck and everything not only for the test but for the rest of my life. "You will regret what you tried your best for but didnt do your best for, but you wont regret what you tried your best for but still could not do your best for". That was a rough translation. Up to your own understanding, i dont really get it though. Usually everytimes she calls, she will do so but this time it was really special because this year i didnt go home. I missed home so much. Haha i forgot to mention that boring parts she always asked "why havent you been sleeping? what did you eat today? feeling good?...."
It has been rainy in Singapore these few days. I cannot cycle, go out so i just stay in the room and look at the rain and "emo". Alan asked me a question of what my elf is like, and my ans is of some creatures sitting at the top of a tree, looking far and contemplating. Can anyone see the resemblance between me and my elf now? Haha I like rains because i was born in a rainy day (this is random!)

Move along - The All-American Rejects

Two weeks of the holiday have passed and perhaps it's time to consolidate what happened. This holiday most of my friends are at home and enjoy the holiday with their family. And every time i talked to them online, i was so tempted to buy a ticket online and go home the next morning but sadly i could not. The most relief thing i could do is to make a phone call. Sometimes, 10-15 minutes are enough!
These two weeks i have been living like a man who earns his own living (not scholar's allowance). For the first two days i woke up at 7 and took a bus to A*Star where i worked and i reached there at 8h30 or 9. But i felt it so boring to take bus everyday so for the third day i decided to cycle there, and guess what it took me 35 min only. The cycling innovation allowed me to wake up at 7h45 in the consecutive days. In the afternoon, i returned at 4h30 and reached hostel at about 5h15 or 5h30. Actually i was required to stay until 5 but hell, the boss and lab techs left at 4h3o, some even at 4, why must i stay so late? UNFAIR! For a work that is definitely laborious, but for sure doesn't require brain at all, i was paid 50$ per day. I don't know how much an average Singaporean earns per day but for me, for 5 days i earned 250$ which is like 1/3 of my allowance (for 3 months). Hahaha such a good deal, isnt it? I remembered the week before that i helped Mrs.Tan clean her house and she paid me 80$ . At this point, i think A*Star is exploiting me. Am i that cheap?
Doing all that work makes my body feel like nothing other than a block of moving fat and proteins (or not even move at all). The moment i lifted my butt from the chair, there seems something pulling me down. Sometimes, i didnt even want to get up. Just sit down and stare at the screen! Then it was so perfect that Gwen asked me whether i want to dance for IP team. So happily, I felt like i can move again. Perfect, i returned at 5, having dinner and practiced the dance with Yida at 7. Perfect, at least i exercised so i wont get obese. But sometimes getting fatter isnt that bad. When i put on Nam's costumes, i wished my belly is at least the size of that belly dancer so the pants wouldnt drop. Now i am trying to gain weight :) Dancing again is so fun, dancing with juniors is even more fun and once again being in an IP team is the funniest (i am a retainee). Thank you everyone who has been with me through this experience!
That was about work life, dance life and interestingly i realised that people like my facebook notes, not because of anything but its lameness. Thanks to Jade, Alison, Hang ...for complimenting me! Really those notes were done when i just wanted to be free, i just throwed the words without considering it be appropriate. That s the blessing and the curse of a FREE mind. I will produce more as long as you all like it and read it.
Yeah this post is entirely a reply to PP's request. I updated my blog for you and what about you? WIll you do the same thing? Just for me. Omg, this sounds so gay.
P.S Did i miss out anything? Hell, 2 weeks are long.

10 things i hate about you

The inevitable life cycle of "The Blog" caught up with me today. I realize that i spent the first few days fascinated with myself, writing all the time. “The world now knows what I think about it all,” i say to myself, keeping them updated on my most recent bowel movements, emotions and the like. Then after a week i decided to look up how many people have viewed your page since its inception and realized no one gives a shit what i said (ok, some do give a shit, u know i dont mean shit, just a way of saying). That’s when the indifference sets in and, typically, i suddenly find myself without anything worth writing about. But it is a mistake to think that way actually!

Haha, no offense to the people out there, update your blog. Wkb, PP, Alison ... if you are suffering that "blog cycle" above, update your blog because i do give a s*** about what you say on your blog ok. So yeah update!

It happened to me for the last two days either been rotting at work, getting back to hostel, or lying awake desperately trying to cling to the denial that I have to repeat all over tomorrow.

I cam across a web page today and i found this, it is very ... uhm, up to you how you want to interprete it la :)

I hate the way you talk to me

and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick.

It even makes me rhyme

I hate it-

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around

and the fact that you didn't call

But mostly, I hate the way

I don't hate you, not even close

not even a little bit,

not even at all

Sometimes i need sometimes on my own

The blissful regularity of life has returned today, 31st May 2009.

No more waking up at 9am and staying up late till 4am. No more is the moment when a pig feels so guilty of itself not doing productive things besides watching movies and listening to music. And no more is the moment when the foreign crowd of ISSF ans SISC riled up that pig by their industriousness and devotion to so-called "SCIENCE". Haha laugh it off!

Yes, regularity is what I’ve needed and I’ve been eating a cup of noodles and two cookies (pretty normal during SYF :). After all the fun with my friends I really needed time with my works and– OH F*** I’M MOVING AFTER 2 WEEKS!

Well, this week was progressing way too quickly. I have exactly 7 days before I move (the moment i am posting this) and I’ve literally done nothing except make a To-Learn list for Common Test that I have no intention of adhering to and " go shopping".

Just on Friday, I have told myself that this week was unproductive, but now rethink about it, i realize i have learned a lot, a lot of "shopping". And yes, at least i didnt rest my butt on bed for 7 days. Three out of seven, my butt was somewhere in Orchard. Those fun and enriching trips to Orchard turned me from newbie to a novice, and probably a shopcaholic. I want to go next week haha. And yup, millions of thanks to those who went with me (you know who you are), without you i am still me who will say "I thought Heeren is part of Far East" or "You want to buy shirts, then go Mark&Spencer for what, they sell cookies leh" or even more stupidly "

Yesterday I walked along the beach in the morning and got all sentimental. Today I woke up in a haze and went for PW group work and NHSS rehearsing for 6 hours. Since then, i watched "In land of woman" "Good Luck Chuck" (sweet, romantic and ...). Like them :)

I feel like i am moving and tomorrow will be a full day of work, and the day after tomorrow and will be the day after that ...

Just one last word, MLD seniors are leaving and i am very regretful that i couldn't spend the last outing with you guys. I will miss you guys pretty much. And Lizhu, you want a post? There will be a full post for all of you but not now, there will be a moment when i cant see all of you often and that is when i will miss you all at max, i will post :) When the emotion is streaming in your blood, your words would be the most truthful ones.

Love comes over you

It seems so true that when we have nothing to do, we either try to find things to do or try to think of what we have done before. Last week was very relaxing apparently because i was not involved in anything. Life was so simple with coming to school, attending lectures, spending time in library to wait for someone, and coming back to hostel early.
It is so obvious that the momentum that pushed me during SYF time has gone. I ought to find a new momentum soon.
Nevertheless sometimes in life if you have a chance to relax, just do it because for me, these days help me gain back something which have seemingly been lost.
My high school friends have been contacting me all the time this week and almost every night i spent time talking to them. As a group, we revised the old memories of the old school, old teachers, old roads where we walked to school. Interestingly, my class decided to gather during this December and of course i will go back :) At the same time, it s so glad to know that all of them who stay are admitted into uni (so proud :))
Oh yeah yesterday i was reading "Genghis Khan and His Conquering Journey" and "Anh Hung Dong A (basically Vietnamese history). I was so proud of my ancestors who defeated an empire that spread over Asia and Europe at that time.

i am not free thinker anymore

I know it is always hard to run away from anything that has already been arranged for you or simply you were born to inherit it. Family tradition, religion ...
It has been a long time that i enjoy being a free thinker. Buddhism is what my family has followed for many generations and it s so hard to communicate to mom, dad, grandma now if i don't accept it as what i should have been. Though i really didn't think of it, i am not against it either. Perhaps time has come and choosing to believe in is better choice.
Well i will try to practice. I only feel sad because in the end, i didn't make the choice i want for myself.

The ghost of night time

Friday evening and i am in a dilemma now. If i watch movie, i am gonna sleep at 2 am and tomorrow i need to wake up early for college day. But if i don't do anything, i will mug but it s so not fun. So i decide to blog. And thus here comes the hottest news in the boarding school. Ghost story. The news has been spread for a week or more and many have "witnessed" ghost appearance currently.
But this post is not for the purpose of spreading this news to the outside of boarding school but rather i want to discuss what should be the right attitude dealing with ghost. For your information, this topic was center of discussion during my last GP tutorial with Mr.Ng Poh ( i think :)

Normally people are scared of ghosts and so am i because I had experienced with ghost before. It was not comfortable of course. For those who have seen ghost, ask yourselves if fear arose in your feeling at that moment and compare that to your imagination of ghost. For those who have not done so, ask yourselves if your fear is coming from your own imagination. My point is that our fear comes from our imagination which creates cruel and disgusting scenes of ghosts tormenting our soul and torturing our flesh ... But you know in real it is not actually the case. There might be good ghost, for example, if the spirit of a family member who passed away came back for you, would you feel that spirit may harm you? A weak subconscious mind often biases their view of ghosts with negative imagination, and thus when fear comes, they couldn’t stand it.

So what should you feel then? I think we should question our sense of belonging if we saw a ghost. It is definitely true that ghost comes from our world, but once they are ghost, they are no longer belonging to our world (they belong to some spiritual world). Rarely we see people from another world and when we do, we wonder if we are living in our world or their world (subconscious mind which is the only thing capable of connecting two worlds tells us to). There are probably two cases. They are in the world or we are in our world. The first case is more probable because until now scientists find no way to escape our world. Ghost, under an unknown spiritual form, might. Even if they might, they come by chances. If not, we will see ghost every time and everywhere perhaps. Eventually they do not belong here so they should leave but shall we provide them a good reason to leave? Yes we should. Imagine now you meet another person by chance and that person in any way has impressed you, will you want to follow him and get to know him if you haven’t had a chance to do so? Similarly, ghost might be impressed by your appearance and most likely, they will follow you to get to know who you are before they leave. This makes our fear grow even larger. Therefore, to avoid it, from the beginning you should clarify that “THIS IS NOT WHERE YOU BELONG, COME BACK TO WHERE YOU ARE FROM PLEASE!”

INTERESTING GHOST STORY:

During NS, soldiers need to camp in the forest where all the myths or rumors may come true. They have to march at night and normally they do a roll call every 30 mins because it is so dark and they are afraid that someone will be left behind.

In this platoon of 25 soldiers, they marched deep into the forest. The captain shouts:

- Stop, roll call from 1 to 25.

- 1,2,3,…,23,24,25,26

And they march on because the number is greater than 25. It meant who are supposed to be present are present. One extra is not a matter. 30 min later, the captain again shouts:

- Stop, roll call from 1 to 25.

- 1, 2, 3… 23, 24.

They all are shocked because one soldier goes missing. They stop and search the forest for him but it was 3 weeks later his body is found in front of the caves besides the river. It is so scary that all of his internal organs have been taken out, washed and put neatly in a row of 24. The body is counted as 25^th piece.

The best day - Taylor Swift

Eventually the three long days of holiday have ended and tomorrow it is the start of school again. Before going to bed, i decide to sum up these three days. In general, it has been fun and one of the three was one of my best day.
Saturday: J8 Bishan (shoppin) - Ang Mo Kio hub (lunch at 3h30 haha) - Esplanade (so sad library closed so lingering around the river) - Marina Bay (just sightseeing) - Singapura Plaza (movie) - NJCBS (sleeping)
Sunday: NJCBS (waking up) - East Coast (training, barbecue, killer :() haha) - NJCBS (sleeping)
Monday: NJCBS (mug hard, harder and harder)
Just want to say thank you the following people to be around with me these three days: Porkpau, Phong, Travis, Nghia, Alan, Cris, Jade, Daisy, Hang, Hieu and Quang and myself and ...) hahaha
Having you guys around was really great, and i cannot say anything else except thank you but i will say somemore "if you never asked me to go out, i would have buried myself under 10 feet of notes and books".
Oh, guys, Wolverine is cool isnt he? I think too much words have been spoken already so i shall say no more but i want to say somemore "anyway it s just a movie, each of us with different personality finds ourselves our own lessons!"
Wish you all good and deep sleep! (come on, there is no ghost in this world -.-)

" We all share a Mother Earth but each of us has our own mum"

My life would suck without you - KELLY CLARKSON

Actually i was about to go to sleep at 11 (haha so early) but after a while i just cant close my eyes, in general i cant sleep. Then i tried to get me a reason why i couldn't sleep, i took 15 mins. It wasn't because my roommate was doing sth, it wasn't because of any noisy and irritating sound. It was because tomorrow is Thursday, late school and my mind is normally programmed to shut down at 2 am, not 11 pm.
So i decided to get up and write something.
My life sucks seriously but it s good in the sense that i know why it sucks. It just sucks because it is the life i had before. You know what i mean, "it sucks because it sucker than what it is used to be"! Glad that it is coming back, or at least i feel i am resuscitating.
Evidence: i screwed all the tests simply because they are "tests" (lame excuse!!!), today i didn't sleep during econs (1st touch of the year), i finished maths "Conics tutorial" (newest topic, though previous ones havent been done), no more i guess.
Regret: didnt switch my phone to silent mode during econ lec, lucky no one called or messaged.

"As we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our soul"

The remedy - Jason Mraz

Here is what some people told me lately: "you have changed a lot and you behave very differently from who you were". My first reaction is to roll my eyes. I don't feel very different at all, it s just that i have so many things to put my mind on at the moment. But why must i take it all? Wont there be taking time later on? Can i just take it gradually one by one instead of take it all so i can enjoy the happiness of life, instead of spoiling it by going emo or sth?

On Sat, i started wondering if i and my life have changed, because if it was not, people would not notice. So i put it in a test on Sunday. Things went as normal as it should be in the morning and in the afternoon. Brushing teeth, combing hair, eating chocs, drinking water, mugging, sleeping, playing...

However, in the evening (about 7, when it was dark alr) when i was wondering in the area of "the rich" in BT. I saw this Ang Moh family with their Lamborghini stopped right in front of me. The couples got out of it a while after, following by their three cute kids. They are really innocent and naughty. It s Lamborghini and they kicked its tyres for fun and perhaps their parents love them so much, they didnt scold them but just some gentle complaint. They sang and hold each other's hand. Out of nowhere, i wish in future i will have for my own the children as lovely as them. I smiled. They saw me standing by the side looking at them, so one of them was tempted to run to me but before he could do that, his father hold him back shouting at him "stay away from that yellow please!!!" and that guy gave me a disdainful look which says "go away yellow bastard". So i walked away just as he wishes. But a thought came up " am i worth less than that Lamborghini?". My atitudes towards civilised Eurasians have changed.
Perhaps this wasnt so significant and most likely one test wont bring accurate result. But i will stop testing myself because somehow i think these changes are not radical and the effect is nt clear that i can see it (not because i am unobservant) :)

"It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m glad it happened sooner rather than later."

All about loving you? - Bon Jovi

My mind is twirling. Now i must decide whether i want to go back during June holiday.
Yesterday the girl who left me to go to US two years ago emailed me. Two years of no contact, no communication, it s a surprise that she still remembers me.
She had my email through my class gathering last week. And through some of my old friends, she knew i am studying in Singapore. Haha she is US citizen now. She said she will stay in Vietnam till end of July so if i had a chance to go back, she would like to meet me.
I do not know what to do. It has been two years and more, i am sure we dont feel the same. There has been no communication for two years, why doesnt she forget me and leave me alone?
Then i will need to decide. Take a break!

The great escape - Boys like Girls

I know this is long but today i just want to clarify things so again i can start over. Singapore is an escape to me in some sense but it seemed that i am just going inversely, not escape at all.
If i could reverse the time, i would like to start this year all over again. Starting over so that whatever stupid things i did, whatever absurd things i did, whatever i felt pity for not doing have never happened.
Being myself just after i came to Singapore, i left most of things behind and started a fresh life. Time passed and things were going well. Life was not perfect and always i expect life to be unfair so i did not really care whether or not i have gotten what i wanted.
I have been living on my hobbies, e.g guitar, soccer, cycling ... and i was not ambitious, and really that did not matter what others say. First soccer match, "you are too weak" my senior said but i kept playing and today proudly i am not weak. Being incompetent in using any musical instruments, i learned guitar and by myself, now i can play. People kept asking me to be ambitious (because i am a MAN), but really i think it s enough to achieve my dreams and i questioned them "is it ambitious?". "no" they said, you must be more but the "how" never came.
But it seems that the drama of a life is repeating itself. Those i left behind is coming back in another form. More hurtful.
Two years ago, when my great grandmother passed away, i could not hold the tears burying her. At that moment, i lost the one who carried me when i first got out of my mom's womb (not a doctor cos i was born home); i lost the one who woke me up every morning to take me to school and waited for me at the school gate every afternoon. The loss collapsed me mentally that i did not want to study, i went to school because of my duty to my parents. Bad results, i did not care.
Several months after that i knew i had a chance to go overseas. That surprise came with my heart broken. Her family was leaving to US. I knew her for 4 years since we were kids of 12 years old. Till 10th class, we realized we liked each other so much (i want to say "love" but it seemed impossible for two teenagers of 16 years old). So she left, no promises, but i regret that i did not explicitly, formally tell her how much i feel for her. If you could read this, now you know. It has been two years, no contact, no communication. It was yesterday i received an email from her. She said she got my mail from the class list and my friends told me i am in Singapore. She is back to VN now and will stay untill July. And she asked if i have a chance to come back, she wants to meet.
Death and Seperation have made me leave my country, taken an opportunity which i was unsure of, an escape perhaps.
So why do i say my drama is repeating itself?
Two years later, i lost my grandmother. To me, it hurt as much as previously. Grandma stills sang to help me sleep till my 4th grade and stills cooked for me even after i entered high school. I remembered her carry my sister when she was born 5 years ago. So this time i just want to fuck myself because i didnt fullfill a grandchild's responsibility. I was away when she passed away, i didnt have a chance to see her last time and i didnt myself bury her, and worse i didnt know it after 2 months. November 25th, the day i came back from S'Pore, my parents told me. They said they hid me because they knew no matter what exams i was taking, i will fly back immediately but they couldnt let it happen. I was so angry to look at them for half a month but then i realized they just wanted me to be happy.
Death has repeated itself. What about seperation? Or should i call it another mistake?
If you know me for two years, you know i have not been serious about relationship. Or rather i didnt want one.
But it came and i took it seriously. I cant explain myself at all because it all happened too fast. And i know i made it so easy for you that you cannot trust it. Even i cant, but after two months, it s enough for me to take. Deep thoughts, Melancholy, Jealousy and even Hate. I know from the start i did love you and why i was so hasty. The reason is that i dont want to lose you. I dont want to repeat the mistake of two years ago but it seemed that i did when i let go of you.

It ends tonight - The All-American Rejects

Any party will eventually come to an end but if you enjoy the party, the end would be sweet enough that the sadness would not be explicitly shown.
That was two parties and that was twice the feeling of happiness and sadness mess themselves up.
New people arrive and old people leave. That s just the inevitable law of nature but somehow if i might question that law " why?".
Lol anyway wish you all the best on the way you have chosen.

Life goes up and life goes down but life doesnt go back.

Song for a stormy night - Secret Garden

I am wondering what i should blog about. Actually there is nothing but somehow i cannot sleep now because it is only 11:19 pm. Writing notes, doing quizzes on fb? I have been on a rampage recently so no i guess.
Oh yeah, i am gaining weight. lol good news, 2 kg already, so happy :)
There has been nothing fun recently but overall, life is rated "interesting".
Tmr econs test, wt.... Got to go lift weight soon so tmr my arm is strong enough to stand the speed of 3 words per second (assume i only write 30 mins). Wish me luck pls, cos i havent studied much lately :(
Wao, mum is calling
Mum: hello son!
Son: hello mum!
Mum: son!
Son: mum!
Mum: how are you?
Son: i am fine, what about you? and dad?
*....*....**number disconnected* check my phones, "account balance 0.3 $, please top up as soon as possible" REALLY S**** YOU M1!
Son: bye mum, going to sleep soon!
"Sometimes it is good that you do not know what you want to know because when you know, you wish you did not know"

Hotel California - The Eagles

- Maybe before life has not been easy but currently it has been.
- Live my own way and spare a thought for people around is just simple but effective.
- Mugging is pretty boring but anyway have to cos i was too far behind
- Chem screw, econs unclear, gp blur, phys and maths uhm uhm lol
- Stop irritating me, or i will have to punch you in the face cos my patience has a limit -.- -.-
- New GP teacher quite cool, i am not gay but i like him :) oh man, Russel Peter
- Today i was talking to Kai Yuan, he said "that girl quite (pretty in Chinese)", and can you believe what i say "yeah, she is pretty". Hm, i really said that. It meant sth cos these two months i never said that when i saw a girl. Haha that s why life is getting easier.

That crossroad, as we were both walking to the center, we came to each other. But at that center, we need to say goodbye when we realize we are just walking in different directions to different destinations.

Rhythm of the rain - Cascades

Omg, today childhood came back to me through a web address. While accessing an online site, i accidentally heard the tune of "the chewing gum song". 6 years ago, i didn't really know English so i just let it go. The name of the song is "Rhythm of the rain". It goes like this:

Rhythm Of The Rain

             
Listen To The Rhythm Of The Falling Rain
Telling Me What A Fool I've Been
I Wish That It Would Let Me Cry In Vain
And Let Me Be Alone Again

The Only Girl I Care About Has Gone Away
Looking' For A Brand New Start
But Little Does She Know
When She Left That Day
Along With Her She Took My Heart


Rain Please Tell Me   
Now Does That Seem Fair
For Her To Steal My Heart
When She Don't Care
I Can't Love Another
When My Heart's
Somewhere Far Away

The Only Girl I Care About Has Gone Away
Looking For A Brand New Start
But Little Does She Know
When She Left That Day
Along With Her She Took My Heart


Rain Won't You Tell Her
That I Love Her So
Please Ask The Sun
To Set My Heart Aglow
Rain In Her Heart And
Let The Love We Knew
Start To Grow


Listen To The Rhythm Of The Falling Rain
Telling Me What A Fool I've Been
I Wish That It Would Let Me Cry In Vain
And Let Me Be Alone Again

Listen To The Rhythm Of The Falling Rain
Download lol:
http://lehs1964.com/media/196302_Cascades_-_Rhythm_of_The_Falling_Rain-1963.mp3